onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize