either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
