I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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