Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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