we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
