Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
