I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Green mimosas i think yes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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