I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
