As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
