Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
