I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
