Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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