Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
