I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
