I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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