I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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