He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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