I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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