Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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