Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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