he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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