Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
