My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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