You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
