it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
