Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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