That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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