I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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