we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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