god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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