i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
