i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
