My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
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Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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