Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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