i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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