i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
