his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
