How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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