I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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