You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize