I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
