Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just blew my weed a kiss
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize