i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
