So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize