I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize