What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
