Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
