Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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