I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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