yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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