Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
