i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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