My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
